Lasts

Lasts

Life is moving way too fast right now. At the moment Im sitting in my room listening to the muffled audio coming from the church service that Ill be joining in a moment. It could be my last church service here in Mozambique for quite a while, if not ever. Next Sunday Ill be on a plane bound back to the States, bound for whatever it is the Lord has planned next for me in my life, and it’s really freaking me out. My good friend Luke has taken it upon himself to start counting down all my “lasts” this week, quite against my will I might add (love ya buddy). “Dude, this could be the last time you lead worship for Cross Cultural class.” “Dude, this is your last Saturday in Pemba.” And the one Im sure will come Friday afternoon, “Dude, this could be your last beans and rice in Mozambique…” Now, I know that last one should sound like a blessing, but to be completely honest, even leaving beans and rice feels like its going to be hard. Its what Ive lived on for the last seven months here, with a little treat thrown in every now and then, and it really is one of the things I look forward to every day, which is really weird. But with the week, and my time in Mozambique coming to a close I start finding myself worrying about what American food is going to do to my body after not having it for half a year. Im probably going to gain psycho amounts of weight and flip out when waiters bring my meal out to me in ten minutes, especially when Im accustomed to the most basic of ingredients and waiting up to two hours for a dinky pizza. Sheesh, did I just rant about food? Sorry about that, back on task.

I believe we were on “lasts.” You know that feeling you get when you are reaching the very end of a book? And not just any old book, Im talking about a really good book, the kind where you do and don’t want to finish it at the same time. You want to get to the end just to see where the main character ends up after the final climax of the story, what he learns, what he decides to do next, what he does with that suitcase filled with money, or whether or not he gets the girl. But at the same time, you don’t want to finish the story because that’ll be it. The story will be over and the characters will be gone. Everything you’ve started to know and love finishes with the final period on the last page, and all of a sudden you find yourself transported out of whatever story you were in back to your living room. Now, you can always read the book again, but it will never quite be the same as the first time. Eventually, you’ve gotta pick up another book, and move on to a different story. That’s what right now feels like. I love what Ive gotten to do here the last seven months, the people Ive had the pleasure of meeting, the things that God has done in me, through me, what he has shown me, all of it. But now I find myself rapidly approaching the end of my current season, the one that Ive come to love and taken comfort in, and Im stepping into a season of the unknown. Its like starting a new story, complete with new places, new characters, new conflicts, new climaxes, and new resolutions. Im really excited for what the next few months, or longer, have in store for me, but at the same time I cant help but feel like Im saying goodbye to a great friend as I reminisce over my time here in Mozambique.

So, here are a few of the things that have been going on in me since May. One of the things that has meant most to me is how much deeper God has brought me in my worship. Worship has become so much more to me than just learning chords and verses to various songs that are well known to whatever audience I have in front of me at the time. Its become more of me simply following the leading of Holy Spirit into the presence of God, and bringing with me whoever is willing to follow. It has just been an honor to be blessed by God in such a way. I don’t have to struggle or strive to get people motivated to worship God, I just go in myself and people follow, and It is one of the most beautiful gifts I receive from Him. Its become this thing where it isn’t about me, what I can do, how I play or sing, its simply his absolute goodness and beauty that bring people into encounters with God, and I just happen to get to be a part of it. Im praying and believing that I get to do this for the rest of my life. Music has become my favorite way of connecting with God, and bringing others to him as well, and I really feel like I will get to do even more of it in the coming season of my life. I don’t know quite what it will look like, and I don’t want to set expectations for things that He doesn’t have for me, but it will be good, and that’s what matters.

God has also been bringing me to trust him with everything more and more. For many years I developed this idea that God wants me to pick and choose what is or isn’t next for my life. I thought, ‘If I love Jesus then I have his mind, and whatever I do will be what he would want me to do.’ I believe this statement can be true, but only in its purest sense. But how often am I ever really in that place? Do I really believe that I have a better idea for my life than what God has? Can I see back and forth throughout all time, remembering every incident, every learning experience, every moment my character changed just the slightest? Do I really believe that I can do it better than the God who created me, the air I breathe, or even the impulses sent by my brain to cause the next beat of my heart? I have no doubt that I can get through life on my own will, people do it all the time, but I want so much more than that. I want to be completely possessed by him, so that my every action, reaction, word, or thought would only exist because he willed it to. Whether it leads to earthly life, death, happiness, sorrow, success, or hardship, I want to follow Him in everything that he has called me to. I want to do the impossible. I mean, he created everything from nothing, right? How hard will it be for him to do it again and again? He’s the God of the impossible, and he is going to do more and more incredible things that will bring us to a greater realization of who and what our God really is. If we follow his lead, we are going to start seeing and doing things that bring us and the world into a revelation of the fear of the Lord. Not simply the silly ‘respect’ that we learn in nice Sunday school services, but real, unfathomable, undisputed fear that is the foundation for wisdom and knowledge. Not only that, but we will also start learning this God who calls us to complete fear of him loves us unconditionally with a grace that we cant understand. That’s something to wrap our minds around, isn’t it? Boy He’s good…

If I could wrap up my last several months here into a few simple thoughts, those would be them. There is so much more that he has done and is still doing, but sometimes its hard to put everything into actual words. It just doesn’t articulate it the same way.
So, to tack on at least one more “last,” this will be the last time I write from Mozambique. After I get back to the states in one very short week, Ill be heading to Jackson, Mississippi to work with wewillgo ministries, right in the heart of drugs, violence, and racism. Its an area that is becoming rapidly transformed by the simple love of Jesus every single day, with prostitutes and drug dealers finding and running headlong after their savior. Im so excited to get to work with my friends Miss Amy, David, Jonathan, Meridith, Alex, and Shawn for those three weeks, as well as the team of students Im leading from Harvest School. After that, Ill be spending some much needed family time in Phoenix, and then Ill be moving up to Redding, California for what feels like a big new start to my journey. Thank you guys so much for loving and supporting me completely in everything that the Lord has called me to. I hope to speak to or see all of you when I get back. Next time I write you will be just after the new year! Enjoy your “lasts” for 2011, because things are going to speed up real soon =)

Love y’all